Rei (Respect): The Quiet Power That Holds Us Together

In the samurai tradition, strength was not defined by dominance, but by dignity. A warrior’s true power came not from the sword he carried, but in how he treated those around him, with Rei, or respect.

In modern society, we often think of respect as politeness, saying “please” and “thank you,” offering a handshake, or holding the door. These gestures matter, but Rei goes far deeper. It is not simply about manners; it is a conscious way of living. It’s how we choose to honor the humanity in others, regardless of their status or our emotions.

Japanese etiquette is one of the most visible and enduring expressions of Rei in everyday life. From bowing as a greeting, to removing shoes before entering a home, to presenting business cards with both hands, these customs are more than tradition. They are acts of mindfulness and respect embedded in culture. Each gesture communicates an awareness of the other person’s presence and worth. Nothing is rushed or careless. Even silence in conversation, often misunderstood in the West, is a form of respect, giving space rather than interrupting. These seemingly small courtesies are powerful reminders that honor is lived through attention and intention, not just grand gestures.

When I was growing up as a Japanese American, I often saw my parents bow slightly when greeting others, even here in America. It was a quiet, intentional gesture that said “I see you. I honor you.” It didn’t matter whether the person was a community leader or the grocery clerk, respect was universal. In Bushido, that was the code. You bowed not because someone earned it, but because you carried dignity within yourself.

In my book “Let the Samurai Be Your Guide,” I wrote about Roy Matsumoto, a Nisei soldier who served in the famed Merrill’s Marauders during World War II. Despite being doubted by his own country, Roy served with unwavering loyalty. He showed respect even to those who questioned his allegiance, his actions spoke louder than any argument. His courage was legendary, but what touched me most was how he never lost his sense of dignity or respect for others, even in war.

That is the spirit of Rei.

The samurai believed that when you respect others, you invite peace. You make room for trust, for harmony, and for growth. Whether it was in the tea ceremony, in battle, or in the household, every movement was infused with intention and reverence. There was no separation between courtesy and character, they were one and the same.

Today, I see a world that is hungry for this kind of courtesy. In business, families, and communities, we often rush past each other, forgetting that every person we meet is fighting a battle we cannot see. But when we act with Rei, whether it’s through a pause, a kind word, or even choosing to listen instead of respond, we plant the seeds of harmony.

Practicing Rei means treating others with honor and humility, even when it's hard. Especially when it’s hard. It requires us to set aside ego and choose presence. And the beauty of it? Rei doesn’t require wealth, position, or perfection. Only the willingness to lead with compassion.

As I often tell my audiences, the code of Bushido isn’t something locked in the past, it’s a guide for today. Rei reminds us that respect isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. It’s the quiet strength that allows us to build bridges where there were once walls.

So I ask you…

“Where can you offer respect today, not because someone earned it, but because you live by it?”